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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Australia
Boomerang
Import
Export
Imports
Chief
Chiefs

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What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
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I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
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I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
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I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
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You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
Demetri Martin