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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Import
Export
Imports
Chief
Chiefs
Australia
Boomerang
More quotes by Demetri Martin
To me, comedy is a game.
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A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
Demetri Martin
I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
Demetri Martin
I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
Demetri Martin
When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.
Demetri Martin
The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
Demetri Martin
I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
Demetri Martin
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
