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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Chief
Chiefs
Australia
Boomerang
Import
Export
Imports

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
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I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
Demetri Martin
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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
Demetri Martin
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
Demetri Martin
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
Demetri Martin
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
Demetri Martin
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Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
Demetri Martin
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
Demetri Martin
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
Demetri Martin
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
Demetri Martin
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I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
Demetri Martin
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I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
Demetri Martin