Quote

Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Paper
Fine
Break
Word
Structural
Point
Sucks
Damage
Rock
Rocks

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
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I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
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I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
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The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
Demetri Martin
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
Demetri Martin
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I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
Demetri Martin
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
Demetri Martin
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It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
Demetri Martin
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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
Demetri Martin
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
Demetri Martin
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
Demetri Martin
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I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
Demetri Martin
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
Demetri Martin
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I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
Demetri Martin
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
Demetri Martin