Quote

Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Damage
Rock
Rocks
Paper
Fine
Break
Word
Structural
Point
Sucks

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
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I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
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Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
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It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
Demetri Martin
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
Demetri Martin
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
Demetri Martin
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To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
Demetri Martin
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin