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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Voice
Rang
Woman
Ordered
Life
Phone
Phones
Wake
Hell
Morning
Call
More quotes by Demetri Martin
And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
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I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
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I've never read an article of clothing.
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
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Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
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The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
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Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
Demetri Martin
