Quote

I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Woman
Ordered
Life
Phone
Phones
Wake
Hell
Morning
Call
Voice
Rang

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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I've never read an article of clothing.
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
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Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
Demetri Martin