Quote

I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Call
Voice
Rang
Woman
Ordered
Life
Phone
Phones
Wake
Hell
Morning

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
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Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
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You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
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I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
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The earth without art is just eh.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
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There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
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The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
Demetri Martin