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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Way
Bummed
Rained
Hippies
Hippie
Washing
Realized
Rain
Used

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
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I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
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Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
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It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.
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I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
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Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
Demetri Martin
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
Demetri Martin
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
Demetri Martin
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
Demetri Martin
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Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
Demetri Martin