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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Rained
Hippies
Hippie
Washing
Realized
Rain
Used
Way
Bummed

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
Demetri Martin
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri Martin
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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
Demetri Martin
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I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
Demetri Martin
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I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. What do you do? I'm a match maker Aw, that's really romantic No, umm... I actually... never mind
Demetri Martin
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Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
Demetri Martin
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
Demetri Martin
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What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
Demetri Martin
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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
Demetri Martin
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
Demetri Martin
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
Demetri Martin
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
Demetri Martin
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
Demetri Martin
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
Demetri Martin
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When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
Demetri Martin
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
Demetri Martin