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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Think
Wonder
Thinking
Speak
Russian
Another
Relevant
Sometimes
Anyway
Mean
Hunger
Going
Goes
Way
Saying
Time
Probably

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
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I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
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We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
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Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
Demetri Martin