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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Persons
Person
Everything
Annoying
Except

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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
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When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
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The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
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To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
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To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
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I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.
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I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
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