Quote

REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Regarding
Band
Interesting
Much
Would
Creeping
Marching

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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
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I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
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When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
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I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
Demetri Martin
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
Demetri Martin
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I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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