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REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Marching
Regarding
Band
Interesting
Much
Would
Creeping

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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
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If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
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I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
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When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
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I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
Demetri Martin