Quote

I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Crushed
Kitchen
Realized
Blueberry
Humor
Blueberries
Comedy
Eater
Funny
Roommate
Making
Pancakes
Like
Flew

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
Demetri Martin
Image
Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
Demetri Martin
Image
A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin
Image
A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
Demetri Martin
Image
When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
Demetri Martin
Image
I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
Demetri Martin
Image
I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
Demetri Martin
Image
When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
Demetri Martin
Image
A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
Demetri Martin
Image
You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
Demetri Martin
Image
Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
Demetri Martin
Image
Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.
Demetri Martin
Image
It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
Demetri Martin
Image
My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
Demetri Martin
Image
If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
Demetri Martin
Image
Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.
Demetri Martin
Image
When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.
Demetri Martin
Image
A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
Image
Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
Demetri Martin