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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Supplies
Craft
Crafts
Herpes
Glitter
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
Demetri Martin
Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
Demetri Martin
A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
Demetri Martin
It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
Demetri Martin
Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
Demetri Martin
You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
Demetri Martin
The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
Demetri Martin
The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
Demetri Martin
Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
Demetri Martin
I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
Demetri Martin
I need to develop some patience - immediately.
Demetri Martin
If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
Demetri Martin
Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
Demetri Martin
I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
Demetri Martin
Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
Demetri Martin
I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
Demetri Martin
I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
Demetri Martin