Quote

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Supplies
Craft
Crafts
Herpes
Glitter

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
Demetri Martin
Image
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
Image
The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
Demetri Martin
Image
One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
Demetri Martin
Image
I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
Demetri Martin
Image
Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
Demetri Martin
Image
It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
Demetri Martin
Image
A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
Demetri Martin
Image
I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
Demetri Martin
Image
Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin
Image
I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
Demetri Martin
Image
I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
Demetri Martin
Image
My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
Demetri Martin
Image
I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
Demetri Martin
Image
When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin
Image
Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
Demetri Martin
Image
Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
Demetri Martin
Image
My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
Demetri Martin
Image
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
Demetri Martin