Quote

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Craft
Crafts
Herpes
Glitter
Supplies

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
Demetri Martin
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
Demetri Martin
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
Demetri Martin
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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
Demetri Martin
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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
Demetri Martin
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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
Demetri Martin
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I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
Demetri Martin
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
Demetri Martin
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You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.
Demetri Martin
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
Demetri Martin
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Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
Demetri Martin
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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
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Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
Demetri Martin
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
Demetri Martin
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Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
Demetri Martin
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What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
Demetri Martin
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
Demetri Martin
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
Demetri Martin
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Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.
Demetri Martin