Quote

I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Needs
Help
Ransom
Writing
Funny
Clip
Would
Language
Note
Think
Use
Notes
Thinking
Helping
Cool
Like
Money
Computer
Looks
Paper
Forceful
Need
Humor
Popped

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The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
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The earth without art is just eh.
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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
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When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable that's survival.
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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
Demetri Martin
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You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.
Demetri Martin