Quote

I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Writing
Funny
Clip
Would
Language
Note
Think
Use
Notes
Thinking
Helping
Cool
Like
Money
Computer
Looks
Paper
Forceful
Need
Humor
Popped
Needs
Help
Ransom

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
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If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
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We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
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When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
Demetri Martin
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Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
Demetri Martin
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
Demetri Martin
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If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
Demetri Martin
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Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
Demetri Martin
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
Demetri Martin
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
Demetri Martin