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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Always
Skateboarding
California
Liked
Kids
Wanted
Live
More quotes by Demetri Martin
The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
Demetri Martin
Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
Demetri Martin
The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
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We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
Demetri Martin
I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
Demetri Martin
You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.
Demetri Martin
