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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Students
High
Law
Council
President
Association
School
Vice
Even
Student
Bars
Vices

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
Demetri Martin
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I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
Demetri Martin
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Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
Demetri Martin
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
Demetri Martin
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
Demetri Martin
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
Demetri Martin
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
Demetri Martin
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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
Demetri Martin
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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
Demetri Martin
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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Demetri Martin
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
Demetri Martin
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I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.
Demetri Martin
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Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
Demetri Martin
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
Demetri Martin
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I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
Demetri Martin
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
Demetri Martin
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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
Demetri Martin
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
Demetri Martin