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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
High
Law
Council
President
Association
School
Vice
Even
Student
Bars
Vices
Students

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
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There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
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Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
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Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
Demetri Martin
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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
Demetri Martin
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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
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I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
Demetri Martin
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
Demetri Martin
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Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
Demetri Martin
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I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.
Demetri Martin
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
Demetri Martin
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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
Demetri Martin
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
Demetri Martin
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I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
Demetri Martin
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Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
Demetri Martin
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin