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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Actors
Direct
Fun
Movie
Acting
More quotes by Demetri Martin
A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
Demetri Martin
I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
Demetri Martin
Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
Demetri Martin
The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
Demetri Martin
I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
Demetri Martin
I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
Demetri Martin
Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
Demetri Martin
I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
Demetri Martin
A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
Demetri Martin
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
Demetri Martin
The earth without art is just eh.
Demetri Martin
You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
Demetri Martin
If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'
Demetri Martin
Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
Demetri Martin
Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
Demetri Martin
When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
Demetri Martin
When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin
Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
Demetri Martin