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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Found
Thing
Good
People
Disapproval
Disappointing
Freedom
More quotes by Demetri Martin
When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin
I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
Demetri Martin
The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
Demetri Martin
I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
Demetri Martin
The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
Demetri Martin
Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
Demetri Martin
When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.
Demetri Martin
Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
Demetri Martin
I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
Demetri Martin
Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
Demetri Martin
It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
Demetri Martin
Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
Demetri Martin
Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
Demetri Martin
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
Demetri Martin
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
Demetri Martin
Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
Demetri Martin
A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
Demetri Martin
I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
Demetri Martin