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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Students
College
Either
Improv
History
Performed
Didn
Student
Government
Majors
Never
Major
Theater

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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
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I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
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Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.
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I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.
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I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
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The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
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What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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