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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
History
Performed
Didn
Student
Government
Majors
Never
Major
Theater
Students
College
Either
Improv

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I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
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I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
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Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin