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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Specifically
Jokes
Short
Stand
Ideas
Love
Structured

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
Demetri Martin
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
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I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
Demetri Martin
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I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
Demetri Martin
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
Demetri Martin
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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
Demetri Martin
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
Demetri Martin
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I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
Demetri Martin
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Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
Demetri Martin
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Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
Demetri Martin
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If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'
Demetri Martin
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
Demetri Martin
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I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
Demetri Martin
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
Demetri Martin
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I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
Demetri Martin
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin
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The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
Demetri Martin
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
Demetri Martin
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
Demetri Martin