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I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Havens
Haven
Done
Trying
Something
Always
Excited

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
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Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
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Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
Demetri Martin
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Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.
Demetri Martin
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
Demetri Martin
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
Demetri Martin
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I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
Demetri Martin
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I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
Demetri Martin
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I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
Demetri Martin
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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
Demetri Martin
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If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'
Demetri Martin
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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
Demetri Martin