Quote

If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Humor
Tripped
Move
Elevator
Building
Elevators
Hours
Stairs
Half
Riding
Funny
Fell
Moving
Hour
Escalator
Time
Choose
Escalators

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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
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There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
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It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
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I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
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I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
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REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
Demetri Martin