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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Door
Bird
Doors
Child
Sliding
Running
Bees
Children
Glass
Glasses
Romance
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
Demetri Martin
I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
Demetri Martin
When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
Demetri Martin
I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
Demetri Martin
I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
Demetri Martin
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
Demetri Martin
I never set out to do a sketch show.
Demetri Martin
I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
Demetri Martin
I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
Demetri Martin
Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
Demetri Martin
Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
Demetri Martin
I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
Demetri Martin
I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
Demetri Martin
When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
Demetri Martin
Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
Demetri Martin
Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
Demetri Martin
There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
Demetri Martin
As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
Demetri Martin
I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
Demetri Martin