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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Child
Sliding
Running
Bees
Children
Glass
Glasses
Romance
Door
Bird
Doors
More quotes by Demetri Martin
To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
Demetri Martin
When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
Demetri Martin
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Demetri Martin
I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
Demetri Martin
You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
Demetri Martin
Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
Demetri Martin
A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
Demetri Martin
As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
Demetri Martin
When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
Demetri Martin
I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
Demetri Martin
Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
Demetri Martin
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Demetri Martin
It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.
Demetri Martin
Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
Demetri Martin
Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
Demetri Martin
I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
Demetri Martin
I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
Demetri Martin
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
Demetri Martin
When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.
Demetri Martin
