Quote

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Hanged
Letters
Calling
Saws
Probably
Start
Getting
Amputee
Ever
Amputees

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable that's survival.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.
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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
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Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
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Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
Demetri Martin
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I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
Demetri Martin
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I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
Demetri Martin
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
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I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
Demetri Martin
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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
Demetri Martin
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Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
Demetri Martin