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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Backseat
Persuasive
Driver
Drivers
Drunk
Dangerous
More quotes by Demetri Martin
If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
Demetri Martin
I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
Demetri Martin
Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
Demetri Martin
Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
Demetri Martin
My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
Demetri Martin
It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
Demetri Martin
I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
Demetri Martin
A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
Demetri Martin
Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
Demetri Martin
If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
Demetri Martin
If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
Demetri Martin
I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
Demetri Martin
The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
Demetri Martin
The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
Demetri Martin
I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
Demetri Martin
I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
Demetri Martin
I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
Demetri Martin
It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
Demetri Martin