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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Persuasive
Driver
Drivers
Drunk
Dangerous
Backseat
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
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Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
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The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
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I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
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Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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