Quote

Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Swimming
Sport
Fun
Sports
Sure
Dies
Times
Sometimes
Confusing

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
Demetri Martin
Image
Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.
Demetri Martin
Image
When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
Demetri Martin
Image
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Demetri Martin
Image
I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
Demetri Martin
Image
A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
Demetri Martin
Image
Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
Demetri Martin
Image
I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
Demetri Martin
Image
I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
Demetri Martin
Image
I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
Demetri Martin
Image
One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
Demetri Martin
Image
Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
Demetri Martin
Image
I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
Demetri Martin
Image
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
Demetri Martin
Image
When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
Demetri Martin
Image
It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
Demetri Martin
Image
I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
Demetri Martin
Image
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
Demetri Martin
Image
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
Demetri Martin
Image
When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
Demetri Martin