Quote

Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.

Demetri Martin

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TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Times
Sometimes
Confusing
Swimming
Sport
Fun
Sports
Sure
Dies

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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
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I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
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Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
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I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
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I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
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I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
Demetri Martin
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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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