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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Time
Attack
Humor
Fun
Game
Worst
Games
Funny
Charades
Heart
Comedian

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
Demetri Martin
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
Demetri Martin
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
Demetri Martin
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
Demetri Martin
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
Demetri Martin
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
Demetri Martin
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
Demetri Martin
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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
Demetri Martin
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
Demetri Martin
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
Demetri Martin
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Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.
Demetri Martin
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
Demetri Martin
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
Demetri Martin
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
Demetri Martin
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
Demetri Martin
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
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I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
Demetri Martin
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REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
Demetri Martin
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
Demetri Martin