Quote

Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Type
Laughing
Humor
Honest
Funny
Quietly
Whenever
Laugh
Computer

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
Demetri Martin
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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
Demetri Martin
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
Demetri Martin
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
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Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
Demetri Martin
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
Demetri Martin
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
Demetri Martin
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I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
Demetri Martin
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
Demetri Martin
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
Demetri Martin
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
Demetri Martin