Quote

I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Else
Wander
Someone
Sorry
Waved
Thought
Walking
Sauntering
Journey
Trekking
Humor
Strolling
Walks
Hiking
Guy
Park
Funny
Parks

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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
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I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
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I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
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Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
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I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
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I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.
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Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
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I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
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