Quote

I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Guy
Park
Funny
Parks
Else
Wander
Someone
Sorry
Waved
Thought
Walking
Sauntering
Journey
Trekking
Humor
Strolling
Walks
Hiking

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When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
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To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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