Quote

When those closest to us respond to events differently than we do, when they seem to see the same scene as part of a different play, when they say things that we could not imagine saying in the same circumstances, the ground on which we stand seems to tremble and our footing is suddenly unsure.

Deborah Tannen

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Deborah Tannen
Age: 79
Born: 1945
Born: June 7
Linguist
Professor
University Teacher
Brooklyn
New York
Deborah Frances Tannen
Part
Ground
Seems
Scene
Footing
Play
Circumstances
Tremble
Different
Seem
Unsure
Things
Events
Closest
Stand
Respond
Saying
Differently
Imagine
Suddenly

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All communication is more or less cross-cultural. We learn to use language as we grow up, and growing up in different parts of the country, having different ethnic, religious, or class backgrounds, even just being male or female - all result in different ways of talking.
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Public discourse requires making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument - as in having a fight.
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All conversation, in addition to whatever else it does, displays, and asks for recognition of, our competence.
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In dialogue, there is opposition, yes, but no head-on collision. Smashing heads does not open minds.
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[T]he seeds of [the Argument Culture] can be found our classrooms, where a teacher will introduce an article or an idea . . . setting up debates where people learn not to listen to each other because they're so busy trying to win the debate.
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Relationships are made of talk - and talk is for girls and women.
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The key to conversation at work is flexibility and understanding how what you say might be perceived by others.
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any criticism heard secondhand sounds worse than it would face to face. Words spoken out of our presence strike us as more powerful, just as people we know only by reputation seem larger than life.
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Part of the reason images of women in positions of authority are marked by their gender is that the very notion of authority is associated with maleness.
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Critiquing relieves you of the responsibility of doing integrative thinking.
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