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Like most men, my father is interested in action. And this is why he disappoints my mother when she tells him she doesn't feel well and he offers to take her to the doctor. He is focused on what he can do, whereas she wants sympathy.
Deborah Tannen
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Deborah Tannen
Age: 79
Born: 1945
Born: June 7
Linguist
Professor
University Teacher
Brooklyn
New York
Deborah Frances Tannen
Feel
Wants
Sympathy
Feels
Father
Whereas
Men
Action
Doctor
Like
Doesn
Tells
Mother
Doctors
Wells
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Well
Offers
Disappoints
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Interested
Disappoint
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In dialogue, there is opposition, yes, but no head-on collision. Smashing heads does not open minds.
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All communication is more or less cross-cultural. We learn to use language as we grow up, and growing up in different parts of the country, having different ethnic, religious, or class backgrounds, even just being male or female - all result in different ways of talking.
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The key to conversation at work is flexibility and understanding how what you say might be perceived by others.
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To say that a person feels listened to means a lot more than just their ideas get heard. It's a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued.
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Treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same.
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