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My school of thought is, anything goes, but I can't do that anymore.

David Spade

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David Spade
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: July 22
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Birmingham
Michigan
David Wayne Spade
Goes
Thought
School
Anything
Anymore

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I talk to my dad all the time, he's more like my buddy than my father, and he's not happy that I use him in my act. But I tell him, I have to get something out of this.
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I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.
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Most of the shows I want to do I'm not smart enough to figure out how to watch.
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Seriously, you don't have to know English. It'd be nice, a nice little plus. We don't want miracles. You don't have to know the country's language. But just some shapes, that's all. A square. A little geometry.
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It's funny because it's funny.
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I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude, to talk about a woman's age or weight unless you are breaking up with her.
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I'm scared of slipping up, of just doing a joke that makes me laugh.
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There's always something funny about men chasing women.
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I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.
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I never have kids in movies or in TV shows.
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I only have one note, let's be honest. But I'll play a different version of that one note.
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Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.
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I've got people who like Tommy Boy, but they're getting older and there's a whole new wave of college kids who see that and Joe Dirt, and Just Shoot Me is a little older, so I wanted stuff for everybody.
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I wish I had that carefree lifestyle. But I guess I'm more private, and more inside.
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With Saturday Night Live you're looking for any hook, any way to stay on the show.
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It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny.
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People come and go around you, but you're never the one getting the big stuff. I like that.
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Now that I have the opportunities to do a lot, I want to do less.
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My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.
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It wasn't a cutdown to call someone a Mexican. It would kill my career to refer to someone as Mexican today. It's like calling me an American.
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