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I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.

David Spade

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David Spade
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: July 22
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Birmingham
Michigan
David Wayne Spade
Stand
Sitcom

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I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude, to talk about a woman's age or weight unless you are breaking up with her.
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I never dated much in high school or college.
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I just don't like to go out and deal with the real world. It's scary.
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Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he's good.
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With Saturday Night Live you're looking for any hook, any way to stay on the show.
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I've got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose.
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I only have one note, let's be honest. But I'll play a different version of that one note.
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Now that I have the opportunities to do a lot, I want to do less.
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I never have kids in movies or in TV shows.
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I've had it where things didn't go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.
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I have no detectable hair style.
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People come and go around you, but you're never the one getting the big stuff. I like that.
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My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.
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Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.
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In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.
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There's always something funny about men chasing women.
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It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny.
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It's good to do stand-up. It kind of wakes you up and makes you feel like you're doing something. You got the crowd right there. That's all fun.
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Bill Murray I always liked. I'm not as good as him, but there's a quality in him that I like. And then there's DeNiro, I'll never be that.
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Don't make your kids look hot and dirty and sexy when they're 5-years old! It's really not the place or the time. You're about 11 years early.
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