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Maybe one day, I would write a story about arguing in public, and those would come in handy in some way.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Come
Writing
Would
Handy
Arguing
Public
Maybe
Story
Write

More quotes by David Sedaris

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They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.
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People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.
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I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.
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Now I don't drink, and I get up in the morning and I write in my diary, and I can write in my diary for hours if I feel like it. And I'm still sober so I can write the stories that I'm working on, and I can sit at the desk as long as I need to. So that changed a lot, I think.
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I've often lost faith in myself, I've never lost it in my family.
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The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I generally just stay in the room and think about shooting myself in the head.
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Snowball just leads elves on, elves and Santas. He is playing a dangerous game.
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It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment.
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I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated.
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Of course, the diary helps me as well. 'That wasn't your position on July 7, 1991,' I'll remind Hugh an hour after we've had a fight. I'd have loved to rebut him sooner, but it takes awhile to look these things up.
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The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.
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We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets.
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Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.
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I see you that have a little swimming mouse
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No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.
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The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin Tubby Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole.
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When I taught, a lot of my students weren't big readers, so they would write something and I realized that they thought it belonged in a book. Like, they didn't know what the inside of a book looked like, you know what I mean?
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Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.
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What can you say about the family who is suing the railroad after their drunk son was killed walking on the tracks? Trains don't normally sneak up on people. Unless they've derailed, you pretty much know where to find them.
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You know, when you need drugs and you don't have a lot of money, what you'll do is you'll hang out with people who will give you drugs. Right?
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