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There are certain people in my life who didn't care to be in my book. And so I cut them out. And I had broken up with somebody. And I was, you know, really upset and depressed. And so that was, you know, reasons to keep going.
David Sedaris
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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Going
Broken
Really
Somebody
Life
Keep
People
Didn
Certain
Depressed
Care
Upset
Reason
Reasons
Book
Cutting
More quotes by David Sedaris
I gave my mother a matching set [of mugs] for Christmas, and she accepted them as graciously as possible, announcing that they would make the perfect pet bowls. The mugs were set on the kitchen floor and remained there until the cat chipped a tooth and went on a hunger strike.
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whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn what excellence feels like.
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My conscience is crosswired with my sweat glands, but there's a short in the system and I break out over things I didn't do, which only makes me look more suspect.
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I didn't know about the rest of the class, but when Bastille Day eventually rolled around, I planned to stay home and clean my oven.
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Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?
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The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.
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I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.
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Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you’ve come to mow its lawns.
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To spend your days in the company of naked men - that was the life for me. 'Turn a bit to the left, Jean-Claude. I long to capture the playful quality of your buttocks.
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The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.
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When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
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I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.
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Of course, the diary helps me as well. 'That wasn't your position on July 7, 1991,' I'll remind Hugh an hour after we've had a fight. I'd have loved to rebut him sooner, but it takes awhile to look these things up.
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I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.
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I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
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If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
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I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.
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I've often lost faith in myself, I've never lost it in my family.
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But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.
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there's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring.
David Sedaris