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You know, when you need drugs and you don't have a lot of money, what you'll do is you'll hang out with people who will give you drugs. Right?

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Giving
People
Hang
Drugs
Drug
Money
Give
Need
Right

More quotes by David Sedaris

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I don't worry about being exposed. When I'm writing about myself I think about myself as a character. There is a ton of stuff going on in my life that I don't write about. If I need to write that stuff down, I write about myself in my diary.
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At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface.
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I don't like travelling if I know I have to write about it.
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... [I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve, but I seemed to have underestimated the universal desire to sit in a hard plastic chair and stare at a screen until your eyes cross.
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I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.
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I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated.
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Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.
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I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
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To spend your days in the company of naked men - that was the life for me. 'Turn a bit to the left, Jean-Claude. I long to capture the playful quality of your buttocks.
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Every so often my life will feel like a story. It doesn't have to be a big thing in fact, most often, it's just the opposite.
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I think if you write humor, then people don't - you know - they don't give you that much credit. They tend to think you just dictate your stories into a tape recorder. And I'm not necessarily insulted by that, because I think that just means that it looks easy.
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My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.
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People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.
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Besides, if I wanted to hear people speaking wall-to-wall French, all I had to do was remove my headphones and participate in what is known as ‘real life,’ a concept as uninviting as a shampoo cocktail.
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God was someone I wound up turning over and over in my mind each night... Was He punishing me with this meal or was He rewarding me? Did He actively watch me or take me for granted like a fish you don't notice until it's floating on the surface of the tank?
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A lot of people don't know what they want, you know, or they're just kind of vague about it.
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I needed to temper (my dad's) enthusiasm a bit (about attending Princeton), and so I announced that I would be majoring in patricide...My mom was actually jealous.
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We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets.
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I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.
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I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.
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