Quote

I've never made up events, but I've always been a big exaggerator. It's written on my humorist license that I'm allowed to do that.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Always
Humorist
Never
Humorists
License
Allowed
Events
Written
Bigs
Made

More quotes by David Sedaris

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The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain old-fashioned fear.
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High school taught me a valuable lesson about glasses: Don't wear them. Contacts have always seemed like too much work, so instead I just squint, figuring that if something is more than ten feet away, I'll just deal with it when I get there.
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It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers.
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This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight.
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A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.
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It's hard to love a place that's outlawed smoking but finds it perfectly acceptable to serve raw fish in a bath of chocolate.
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What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
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If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
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Now, I like a church service, but this was one of those write-your-own-vows sorts of things. Neither of them had ever picked up a pen in their life, but all of a sudden they’re poets, right, like that’s all it takes — being in love.
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I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.
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They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.
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You can't brace yourself for famine if you've never known hunger.
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I needed to temper (my dad's) enthusiasm a bit (about attending Princeton), and so I announced that I would be majoring in patricide...My mom was actually jealous.
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I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
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A lot of people don't know what they want, you know, or they're just kind of vague about it.
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The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.
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Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
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It makes me wonder sometimes. Remember a couple years ago, when Mexicans went on strike? It was talked about a little bit but not that much. But some old white people, and there aren't even that many, they put bonnets on, and then they control the news.
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As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
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There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about.
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