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I've never made up events, but I've always been a big exaggerator. It's written on my humorist license that I'm allowed to do that.
David Sedaris
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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
License
Allowed
Events
Written
Bigs
Made
Always
Humorist
Never
Humorists
More quotes by David Sedaris
I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.
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It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.
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I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.
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Being locked up is one thing, but to have no concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its terms and never understand that struggle is useless - that's what hell must be like.
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I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.
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Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read.
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I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.
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The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
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I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
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People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.
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What can you say about the family who is suing the railroad after their drunk son was killed walking on the tracks? Trains don't normally sneak up on people. Unless they've derailed, you pretty much know where to find them.
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I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story.
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There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about.
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As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.
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I didn't know about the rest of the class, but when Bastille Day eventually rolled around, I planned to stay home and clean my oven.
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A lot of people don't know what they want, you know, or they're just kind of vague about it.
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The interesting thing about gay people is that you can't really put on a wedding without them. They're the ones who make your dress, and do the flowers and the catering. They've toiled in the wedding industry all these years but were never allowed to do it themselves.
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but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
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Say what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes.
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The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.
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