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I don't like travelling if I know I have to write about it.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Travelling
Write
Writing
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All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments.
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The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, I want to love, I want to live.
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There are certain people in my life who didn't care to be in my book. And so I cut them out. And I had broken up with somebody. And I was, you know, really upset and depressed. And so that was, you know, reasons to keep going.
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I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story.
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No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.
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You really burden the reader if you put things in but, Oh, it's not interesting, but I'll put it in anyway. Then the reader's going to think, like, Mmm... no thanks. So the thing is to cut all that stuff out before its published.
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If I were president, I would turn the tables and allow the fetus to abort its mother.
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If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve.
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There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about.
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When I taught, a lot of my students weren't big readers, so they would write something and I realized that they thought it belonged in a book. Like, they didn't know what the inside of a book looked like, you know what I mean?
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Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the understanding that, like Mom used to say, sooner or later something's gonna get you.
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A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.
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But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure.
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I sometimes read books on my iPad.
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Snowball just leads elves on, elves and Santas. He is playing a dangerous game.
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My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.
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I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
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Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have to hold on to. If you're really desperate, you might need to grope, saying, for example, I've never killed anyone with a hammer or I've never stolen from anyone who didn't deserve it.
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If you are any kind of an artist, then validation . . . can be a result, but you're going to do the work anyway.
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He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face.
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