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I don't really do very well when I'm sent somewhere. A lot of magazines want to send you somewhere to do something. They want you to stow away on a ship, or something like that.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Wells
Stow
Well
Ship
Something
Sent
Really
Ships
Like
Magazines
Send
Somewhere
Away

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Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.
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There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about.
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We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.
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All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments.
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Now, I like a church service, but this was one of those write-your-own-vows sorts of things. Neither of them had ever picked up a pen in their life, but all of a sudden they’re poets, right, like that’s all it takes — being in love.
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They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.
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Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
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but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
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I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
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I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.
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I'm glad that I didn't have the Internet when I started writing. I started writing when I was 20 and didn't show a word of it to anyone until I was 28. I had the sense to keep it to myself. Now the temptation with blogs and such, they're just getting it out there maybe it would have been best to keep it to themselves.
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I don't like to read anything on the radio for the very first time, because I don't have any notion of a reaction. When I read it out loud, then I get an idea of that, and more of an idea of how to read.
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No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.
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The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
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He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face.
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You know, when you need drugs and you don't have a lot of money, what you'll do is you'll hang out with people who will give you drugs. Right?
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Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.
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I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.
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This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight.
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Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read.
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