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No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Dialect
Writes
Better
Writing
Even
Trying
Connor

More quotes by David Sedaris

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It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.
David Sedaris
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I gave my mother a matching set [of mugs] for Christmas, and she accepted them as graciously as possible, announcing that they would make the perfect pet bowls. The mugs were set on the kitchen floor and remained there until the cat chipped a tooth and went on a hunger strike.
David Sedaris
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The good thing about being gay, though, I always believed, is that you didn't make anyone go to a wedding. Nobody wants to go to a wedding. Nobody. It kind of bothers me now that you have to go to gay weddings, too. I don't care. It's still a wedding. And I would give anybody double gifts if they would elope.
David Sedaris
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A history of listening to Top 40 radio had left me with a ridiculous and clichéd notion of love. I had never entertained the feeling myself but knew that it meant never having to say you're sorry. It was a many-splendored thing. Love was a rose and a hammer. Both blind and all-seeing, it made the world go round.
David Sedaris
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We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets.
David Sedaris
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I sometimes read books on my iPad.
David Sedaris
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Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have to hold on to. If you're really desperate, you might need to grope, saying, for example, I've never killed anyone with a hammer or I've never stolen from anyone who didn't deserve it.
David Sedaris
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Art isn't about following the rules. It's about breaking them.
David Sedaris
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God was someone I wound up turning over and over in my mind each night... Was He punishing me with this meal or was He rewarding me? Did He actively watch me or take me for granted like a fish you don't notice until it's floating on the surface of the tank?
David Sedaris
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A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a skillet of plastic soldiers, poured a milkshake over my head and called it a night.
David Sedaris
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I didn't know about the rest of the class, but when Bastille Day eventually rolled around, I planned to stay home and clean my oven.
David Sedaris
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Perhaps the little Negro girl was holding a concealed razor blade. Maybe she was one of the troublemakers out for a fresh white scalp.
David Sedaris
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I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.
David Sedaris
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It's hard to love a place that's outlawed smoking but finds it perfectly acceptable to serve raw fish in a bath of chocolate.
David Sedaris
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The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.
David Sedaris
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Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
David Sedaris
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Every so often my life will feel like a story. It doesn't have to be a big thing in fact, most often, it's just the opposite.
David Sedaris
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Weird doors open. People fall into things.
David Sedaris
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High school taught me a valuable lesson about glasses: Don't wear them. Contacts have always seemed like too much work, so instead I just squint, figuring that if something is more than ten feet away, I'll just deal with it when I get there.
David Sedaris
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Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.
David Sedaris