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I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Sure
Gone
Understand
Tweets
Someone
Tweet
Never
Sending
Twitter
Pretending
Goes

More quotes by David Sedaris

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As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
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Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the understanding that, like Mom used to say, sooner or later something's gonna get you.
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I hated leaving a hole in the smoking world, and so I recruited someone to take my place. People have given me a lot of grief, but I'm pretty sure that after high school, this girl would have started anyway, especially if she chose the army over community college.
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It makes me wonder sometimes. Remember a couple years ago, when Mexicans went on strike? It was talked about a little bit but not that much. But some old white people, and there aren't even that many, they put bonnets on, and then they control the news.
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I can't seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I come off sounding like a missionary, someone whose job it is to convert rather than listen.
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There is a reason there is no such thing as a folk writer. But to be a writer you have learn what it takes to captivate a reader in order to make them turn the page. And in order to learn that, you have to read.
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I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.
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It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters.
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I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.
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The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
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Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
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My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.
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After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.
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Say what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes.
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Now I don't drink, and I get up in the morning and I write in my diary, and I can write in my diary for hours if I feel like it. And I'm still sober so I can write the stories that I'm working on, and I can sit at the desk as long as I need to. So that changed a lot, I think.
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I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call understanding is basically just fantasizing.
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Perhaps the little Negro girl was holding a concealed razor blade. Maybe she was one of the troublemakers out for a fresh white scalp.
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Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive.
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But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.
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Because I've always been a fairly nervous person.
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