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I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Gone
Understand
Tweets
Someone
Tweet
Never
Sending
Twitter
Pretending
Goes
Sure

More quotes by David Sedaris

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The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
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Most people, or at least most of the people that I've come into contact with, would like to be written about.
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A lot of people don't know what they want, you know, or they're just kind of vague about it.
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I'm not afraid to write about madness. I always figure that whatever most embarrasses you is something that everyone can relate to, really...because we're just not that different. So if you think, 'Oh my god, this is so embarrassing. I can't possibly talk about that,' and you write about it, the audience is gonna be like, 'that happened to me!
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He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face.
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The interesting thing about gay people is that you can't really put on a wedding without them. They're the ones who make your dress, and do the flowers and the catering. They've toiled in the wedding industry all these years but were never allowed to do it themselves.
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If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
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The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.
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A history of listening to Top 40 radio had left me with a ridiculous and clichéd notion of love. I had never entertained the feeling myself but knew that it meant never having to say you're sorry. It was a many-splendored thing. Love was a rose and a hammer. Both blind and all-seeing, it made the world go round.
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The drama bug strikes hardest with Jews, homosexuals and plump women who wear their hair in bangs. These are people who, for one reason or another, desperately crave attention
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A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a skillet of plastic soldiers, poured a milkshake over my head and called it a night.
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But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.
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To spend your days in the company of naked men - that was the life for me. 'Turn a bit to the left, Jean-Claude. I long to capture the playful quality of your buttocks.
David Sedaris
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I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
David Sedaris
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I don't really do very well when I'm sent somewhere. A lot of magazines want to send you somewhere to do something. They want you to stow away on a ship, or something like that.
David Sedaris
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The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
David Sedaris
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I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated.
David Sedaris
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The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin Tubby Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole.
David Sedaris
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It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment.
David Sedaris
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Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.
David Sedaris